Do Better, Be Better Blog… August 8, 2009
Dear Tia,
Many years back I met a guy and we had an ongoing sexual relationship (we were never boyfriend/girlfriend) but now I consider that guy to be just a good friend. Our relationship has been strictly platonic for a couple of years and it has grown into a very valuable friendship. My current boyfriend has problems with that friendship and has been very vocal about it. Now, my question is...is it inappropriate/disrespectful to remain friends with this guy despite the fact that my boyfriend doesn't like it? Also, how would I sever ties with a good friend that I've had for such a long time without hurting his feelings, and is that even necessary? – Confused in Detroit
Dear Confused:
Most guys believe that platonic friends are using the inside track to get inside your pants. This is a lose/lose situation for you, since your boyfriend is unlikely to stomach having threesomes – I’m referring to dinners – to get to know your male bff. So the real question is this: Are you going to marry this boyfriend? Which means does HE plan on proposing, not just you planning on accepting. If yes, you have to give up your pal. If you hide it he’s going to think you’re cheating, which will lead to more drama. I suggest you really think about which relationship adds more value, where you see each relationship going and most importantly, whether there are any clues that your platonic friend is secretly shuffling through your panty drawer when you’re not looking. Your partner may see something that you’re overlooking. If you decide to ditch your male friend don’t sugar coat it. Let him know that you’re seriously pursuing a relationship and you need to put your focus into cultivating the friendship and trust between you and your partner.
---Tia
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