No Money, Lots of Drama

Dear Tia,

I've been with my boyfriend for three years. I really love him. We connect on emotional, intellectual and physical levels. There's only one problem: finances. Timothy has a college education and a strong entrepreneurial spirit. Unfortunately, it's taking him longer than expected to get his business off the ground. I believe in him and know that eventually whatever he does will be successful, but his devotion to developing this business — and his dream of pursuing entrepreneurial ventures in general — has forced us to place everything on hold, specifically getting married. Timothy invests all of his money into his business and since it's not profitable he's constantly losing money. In addition, the stress is definitely taking a toll on his demeanor; for example he's less attentive, a bit more irritable and not investing a lot of time in cultivating our relationship. He told me he's ready to get a full-time job to help him meet his financial needs until his business is off the ground. I want to marry this man and he wants to marry me, but I am concerned. Any tips? - Three Years and Counting

Dear Three Years and Counting,

I commend your patience and support of your boyfriend as he follows his dream. I think that you've already gotten to the crux of the issue. Women and men tend to function in different ways when it comes to multitasking life's goals; in short, men tend to be more linear. Since men typically pride themselves on being able to provide, his initial focus will be his career, in this case his business. I think you recognize that Timothy is stressed. It's hard for start-ups and the economy can bring additional challenges. I suggest that you really take some time to think about how devoted you are to this relationship. If you want to take it to the alter I suggest finding time to talk to your boyfriend about your goals as individuals and as a couple. If you're both on track for marriage you should discuss your emotional and financial expectations as a couple. When do you want to tie the knot? What are his expectations of you as his wife in relation to his business goals and needs? What do you expect of him as a husband in terms of managing his two loves: you and his career? Communication is key.