You must do the thing you think you cannot do...

Do Better, Be Better Blog... April 16, 2009

Dear Tia: I was in a relationship with a man for a year and a half. He broke up with me because he wanted to have sex with other women. Months later he was trying to build a friendship with me, and against my better judgment I let him in because he was also my best friend.
 I helped him out for a month because his car was stolen. I let him borrow my car weekends, taking it too him and sometimes picking him up. One night I called him and asked that he returned my car, but I was too exhausted to drive him home. When gets to my home at 11:30pm he accuses me of being drunk - but he never gave me a chance to express myself. I was also mad because he said we should not have sex anymore. After thinking I decided to cut the friendship off completely because I felt disrespected and unappreciated. 
My question is: Am I wrong for cutting my ties with him? What should I have done? – Hurt & Confused

Dear Hurt & Confused: You know you weren’t wrong, you just miss old faithful – even it means drama, angst and disappointment. Based on the contents of this letter I’m pretty sure all of your instincts – and friends - have been telling you to lose this dude with never-ending benefits some time ago. But your heart won’t let him go. The problem is simple: You love him much more than he loves you. People often get caught up in justifying a trifling ex’s behavior by reminding themselves that the person you love cares for you too. Sadly, caring isn’t enough; there has to be reciprocity. While I’m sure both of you contributed to the demise of the relationship in some way, the facts are simple: You’re meeting his needs but he’s not meeting yours. He was getting a free ride – in the bed and in your car – but giving you none of the things you want in return. No commitment, no consideration and no respect. So my question to you is what did you really lose?

---Tia

Dear Tia: I’m finally at a place where I feel I have a great sense of my own style. I love shopping and want to stay abreast of the latest trends. How often should you redo your wardrobe? – So Fly

Dear So Fly: Congrats on finding your mojo. Instead of focusing on completely redoing your wardrobe focus on constantly updating it. You should always be on the lookout for items – whether they’re big or small – that complement your figure and style. Of course, you should stick within your allotted budget. I also suggest taking inventory at the end of each season to see what still works, which means it is in good shape and you wear it, and what you can get rid of.

---Tia