Do Better, Be Better

Dear Tia,

I’m 28-years-old. I have been in relationships before but it seems like they never materialize into anything deeper or serious. People just leave my life without any wrong doing from my side. It is either I am too serious, too needy or they found someone else. How do I break this? I want to start my own family soon, but how do I do that when I cannot maintain a relationship. – Ready to Settle Down

Dear Ready,

I completely understand your desire to have a meaningful relationship. It’s natural. It’s healthy. However, I implore you not to let what you want stand in the way of what you need. It seems like you answered your own question in your letter. By asking whether you’re too serious or too needy, you’re acknowledging that even you are spotting these red flags in your behavior. Simply telling you to stop it isn’t enough, so I suggest you look into why you’re feeling the push to make a committed relationship happen. In the big picture, you have a lot of time to find your Mr. Right – even if it doesn’t seem like it. Have faith that there is someone out there just for you. So the big question is what do you do in the “in between time”. Well, it’s a great time to work on you. What’s leading you to pick the men who perpetuate your insecurity? Why are you choosing to pursue serious relationships with men who aren’t interested in being monogamous? What things do you need to work on to attract the kind of man truly want? Do you like and love yourself? Working on these things won’t guarantee that you’ll find a mate as soon as you’d like, but they will ensure that you’re ready for a good man when you meet him.