How can a suddenly single mother help her daughter deal with a divorce...

Do Better, Be Better Blog... July 18, 2009

Dear Tia, My daughter is rebelling now that my husband and I are separating. I’ve tried counseling, incentive charts and letting her spend time apart visiting with relatives. I wonder if she and I will ever have the great mother/daughter relationship I envisioned. It seems like I’m always screaming or yelling at her. She seems sad all the time too. What should I do? – Mother of all Problems

Dear Mother,

First I’d like to commend your for exhausting your resources in an effort to help your daughter through this tough time. In your letter you mention that you’re always yelling and screaming at her, so I’m wondering how you’re doing. Look at it like this, when we’re flying in an aircraft and an emergency arises we’re told to secure our own masks before assisting others. The same is applicable for your personal crisis. As a mother your focus has been on helping your child, but it is important make sure you take care of yourself too, and sometimes first, in order to be effective. With that in mind I urge you to seek support as well. In addition, you may want to consider changing your daughter’s counselor if he/she isn’t connecting with her or adding a support group for kids into the mix. Another great option is adding more one-on-one time doing simple things that your daughter enjoys, such as an afternoon trip to the park and walk. This will give you opportunities to connect with her in an environment that helps her relax. Lastly, it is important that you remember time heals all wounds. Adjusting to not having her father in the house is difficult and may always hurt, but with assistance your new family will learn to cope with the changes and thrive.

---Tia