This week Tia answers a question about supporting your friends...

Do Better, Be Better Blog… July 25, 2009

Dear Tia,

I recently discovered that I’m pregnant with twins. Shortly after, my best friend got engaged and asked me to be her maid of honor, which I ecstatically accepted. Now she is planning on getting married in November and I am due in September. I’ve had an extremely rough pregnancy and I’m fearful that I will not be able to fulfill my duties because either I'll be pregnant and too sick/tired to plan events or because I will have newborn twins and they'll take priority over every other thing going on in my life. So my question is, is it okay for me to let the rest of the bridesmaids pick up my slack (because being a part of her wedding is very important to me) or should I tell her that I don't think I will be able to handle all of the responsibilities and relinquish the title? Undecided, Sheboygan, WI

Dear Undecided:

Whew, I’m tired just reading about all that you have going on, but since best gal pals only get married once – hopefully – you shouldn’t miss the honor. Have a one-on-one chat with your friend about your concerns. Let her know that with so many “unknowns” you’re unable to handle the duties solo. Instead of bowing out I suggest that you allow her to select one other bridesmaid to be your co-maid of honor. The three of you should sit down and discuss all of the bride’s expectations for her experience, then you and the co-maid of honor can make long-term plans now, with contingencies on how things will proceed in your absence. Since you’re not sure what level of physical or mental participation you’ll be able to give after the summer it is important that you meticulously list details, such as what games she’ll want played at her bridal shower or where the bride’s embarrassing grade school pictures are, now so each event will have the personalized touch that only a bff can give.

---Tia