This week Tia answers a question about supporting your friends...

Do Better, Be Better Blog… July 25, 2009

Dear Tia,

I recently discovered that I’m pregnant with twins. Shortly after, my best friend got engaged and asked me to be her maid of honor, which I ecstatically accepted. Now she is planning on getting married in November and I am due in September. I’ve had an extremely rough pregnancy and I’m fearful that I will not be able to fulfill my duties because either I'll be pregnant and too sick/tired to plan events or because I will have newborn twins and they'll take priority over every other thing going on in my life. So my question is, is it okay for me to let the rest of the bridesmaids pick up my slack (because being a part of her wedding is very important to me) or should I tell her that I don't think I will be able to handle all of the responsibilities and relinquish the title? Undecided, Sheboygan, WI

Dear Undecided:

Whew, I’m tired just reading about all that you have going on, but since best gal pals only get married once – hopefully – you shouldn’t miss the honor. Have a one-on-one chat with your friend about your concerns. Let her know that with so many “unknowns” you’re unable to handle the duties solo. Instead of bowing out I suggest that you allow her to select one other bridesmaid to be your co-maid of honor. The three of you should sit down and discuss all of the bride’s expectations for her experience, then you and the co-maid of honor can make long-term plans now, with contingencies on how things will proceed in your absence. Since you’re not sure what level of physical or mental participation you’ll be able to give after the summer it is important that you meticulously list details, such as what games she’ll want played at her bridal shower or where the bride’s embarrassing grade school pictures are, now so each event will have the personalized touch that only a bff can give.

---Tia

How can a suddenly single mother help her daughter deal with a divorce...

Do Better, Be Better Blog... July 18, 2009

Dear Tia, My daughter is rebelling now that my husband and I are separating. I’ve tried counseling, incentive charts and letting her spend time apart visiting with relatives. I wonder if she and I will ever have the great mother/daughter relationship I envisioned. It seems like I’m always screaming or yelling at her. She seems sad all the time too. What should I do? – Mother of all Problems

Dear Mother,

First I’d like to commend your for exhausting your resources in an effort to help your daughter through this tough time. In your letter you mention that you’re always yelling and screaming at her, so I’m wondering how you’re doing. Look at it like this, when we’re flying in an aircraft and an emergency arises we’re told to secure our own masks before assisting others. The same is applicable for your personal crisis. As a mother your focus has been on helping your child, but it is important make sure you take care of yourself too, and sometimes first, in order to be effective. With that in mind I urge you to seek support as well. In addition, you may want to consider changing your daughter’s counselor if he/she isn’t connecting with her or adding a support group for kids into the mix. Another great option is adding more one-on-one time doing simple things that your daughter enjoys, such as an afternoon trip to the park and walk. This will give you opportunities to connect with her in an environment that helps her relax. Lastly, it is important that you remember time heals all wounds. Adjusting to not having her father in the house is difficult and may always hurt, but with assistance your new family will learn to cope with the changes and thrive.

---Tia