Unwanted Travel Companions

Dear Tia,

I have a big problem.

My girlfriend and I love to go on group trips with our pals. Unfortunately, two of our close friends, Jerry* and Tammy*, recently broke up — and both of them decided to attend our last trip. It was horrible. Even though Tammy ended the relationship she's very bitter about the split. She's miserable and loves company. She pouted. She started fights with Jerry. She was generally petty and unpleasant. She even tried to ruin a few of our planned activities. Now Jerry, who did not want her to attend, is our childhood friend, and though our crew has been friendly with Tammy during their three-year relationship, we never really liked her. She's toxic. Needless to say we're happy to see her go. So here's the problem: Tammy has invited herself on our next trip. No one wants her to go. I believe her plan to sabotage Jerry's ability to participate. My friends, specifically the women, are having a hard time telling Tammy she isn't welcome. I refuse to let her pettiness spoil another trip. What should I do? — Dealing with The Break-Up


Dear Dealing,

One word: awkward. It's hard to pick teams after a break-up. Seems like Tammy may be more than vindictive; she may also be remorseful about splitting with her man and losing access to "their" friends. I suggest you meet with the other trip participants and have a candid chat about who wants Tammy to remain in the circle and who doesn't. I suspect that some people may be fonder of her than you think — how else would she have found out about the trip? Once a consensus is taken you'll have the opportunity to decide whether her presence is a deal breaker for you. Additionally, you can suggest that those who want to include her plan their own events since it will obviously be awkward for Jerry to socialize with his ex. At the end of the day Tammy cannot force you, or anyone, to hang out with her. If she doesn't get the hint state the obvious: She is not welcome.

* — name changed