Should I Propose if I Hate My Girlfriend's Family?

Dear Tia,

My girlfriend and I reside in the same building — we met while we were both living there. My friends swore this arrangement would be a recipe for disaster but it actually works pretty well. We get to see each other frequently. We also get to see the other's habits. I know I want to marry this woman. There's only one reason I haven't proposed: Her family. The are very "hood". Her siblings are in their late twenties and still act like kids. Additionally, her parents make bad financial decisions and lean on my lady way too much. They are constantly at her place and have even had to reside with her on more than one occasion. She feels committed to helping her family regardless of their poor choices. I don't know if I can sign up for that. What I do? — Ice Cold Feet

Dear Ice Cold,

Your fiance-to-be definitely has a close bond with her family. I suggest that you view her loyalty and devotion as a strength. Still, I commend your ability to see how her enmeshed familial ties may become problematic as you look ahead. First, you need to talk to your girlfriend. You don't have to blatantly tell her your intentions — though I'm sure she'll be able to figure out what you're fishing for. Make sure to ask her about what she perceives her role to be has a wife and how she sees that impacting her current family dynamic. Let her know what boundaries you consider to be important as a couple and see whether you are on the same accord. Love has two components, feeling and function. You need both to make the relationship work.